By: Kristi Ertel
Culinary landmines.
That’s comes to my mind when I think of dining out. Christian, my food allergic son, loves all things “normal,” just like a typical five year old. We have learned to love gluten- free pizza, corn- free/gluten- free tacos, soy- free pastries, SunButter desserts and nut-free toppings at the local frozen yogurt bar. Locally, we know the cashiers at the ice cream parlor who know exactly what ice cream machines are “Christian approved.”
A food allergy diagnosis tends to shake up your world in a way that many simply do not understand. In my journey with my son there were many stages to walk through to get to where we are today. Initially, confusion and lack of any food-allergy knowledge began to seep in as I realized food in my pantry was capable of sending my son into a life threatening reaction at the age of 13 months. After months of research, the reality set in of how food allergies were going to wake up with us each and every day. As we struggled to find our new “normal” in life and regain our footing, things like social functions, birthday parties and eating out seemed like we were living in a world of exclusion and many times lack of empathy.
Eating food is not just something necessary for survival, it’s a huge part of how we celebrate moments together with family and friends.
Some of the best memories I have are memories centered around a table with friends and family sharing a meal together. Many of those memories have taken place not just at my dinner table, but out at a restaurant. The thought of my son’s food allergies and dining out is enough sometimes to cause me to lose my appetite before ever setting foot through the front door of any restaurant.
In order to minimize the anxiety, I have a few must dos before deciding “what’s for dinner”:
First things first, I have to be able to see an allergen menu online before I decide to dine at any restaurant. This lets me know a few safe boundaries of what I can order for him and what I need to absolutely avoid. Seeing an online allergen menu gives me the first sign that a restaurant has some understanding of why food allergies are such a big deal and perhaps this restaurant “gets it.” After deciding what sounds good for dinner, we enter the restaurant and are ready to enjoy a night out.
Of course that can’t happen, until I wipe down the table and chair with my own wipes, just in case that bus boy was in a hurry and missed a few spots. About that time we are typically greeted by our server who gives us a menu and asks if we have any questions before reviewing the menu and specials for the night. I often smile and try not to let the anxiety show and take a deep breath. Here we go…
Hi, yes, my son has life threatening food allergies I calmly mention to the server. Silence.
Immediately, the server’s face tells me a lot. I need to have a server that’s knowledgeable about food allergens, but that doesn’t always happen. I have had servers freak out and immediately get a manager. I have had some who very causally say ok, yeah pretty much everything is nut free here, he will be just fine! By this time, anxiety sets in again, and I see red flags! I have had servers tell me that if it were their child they would not eat here because they know what goes on in the kitchen. It’s the fear of what goes on in the back of the house….and the worry if his dish is sitting beside a nut crusted tilapia? Did that cook just happen to use the same serving utensil? What about his gluten- free waffle? Did they just make a pecan waffle in the same griddle as his?
If the restaurant doesn’t pass my checklist, I will have to leave. The “what ifs” are just too great. I have left restaurants all together realizing they just did not have the required processes in place to keep my son safe.
But, there are restaurants that can cater to my son, and they mean the world to me.
This is what the restaurants that are treating food allergies appropriately are doing:
- Having a server who can articulate a general discussion on food allergens and what your restaurant policy and procedure is gives me great confidence.
- Having a menu readily available which allows me to see what dishes contain allergens is wonderful, because it gives my son options, and having a choice is what makes him feel normal. I have had a manager come to my table and let me know that he is aware of my sons allergies and will personally bring his dish out to us!
- Having a dish served with special frill picks or placed upon color coded dishes is one more wonderful way of saying we take your sons food allergies seriously.
I cannot forget to mention the sweet server at Outback who searched every ingredient with the head chef to ensure they were not overlooking any ingredient and insisted if we “get this right the first time, you will come back and see us again.” Yes, absolutely! Not only will we come back, but we will bring our families and invite our friends. It’s moments like when the owner of an ice cream shop insists on taking the time to open a new tube of ice cream and get a spoon for my son that mean so much to me. It may seem like a silly ice cream treat, but it was one my son could enjoy with his sister and cousins. And I know other moms out there realize why food allergies are important and appreciate gestures like this, too.
I can guarantee you that in those moments that a restaurant “got it right,” Christian will never remember the dish he ate or even how it tasted. He will, however, remember enjoying family and friends and being “normal.” That for me is worth repeat business, telling my friends and a very generous tip!
Kristi Ertel is an AllerTrainer and Founder of Allergy Advantage, LLC. Contact her at: Kristi.ertel@allergyadv.com or visit www.allergyadv.com
